I’m now a month further on with my recovery from my last post and I was full of optimism for the future at that moment. I had just taken part in my only event of the year – the Serpentine Swim, where I was “up there” above my own expectations regarding pace and ability considering I had only swam in open water once this year beforehand and that was only a few days earlier!
My rehabilitation was progressing albeit slowly and I was looking forwards to returning to work sometime soon. I miss the “normal” day to day routines that I somehow (pre-incident) had taken for granted. I just wanted to be busy instead of sitting here on the sofa “recovering” and watching daytime TV. It’s quite clear that this kind of lifestyle is a luxury for some people, I can’t stand it and as a result social media, YouTube and Podcasts are getting a serious battering lately. I have restarted writing my book about my experiences and thoughts not only about my injury but my life in sport and the people I’ve met along the way. With recent events and the difficulty I’ve had in accepting that certain people promised so much but delivered so little has made me realise that there’s a few edits required in it’s current draft 🙁
Attempting to be positive my rehabilitation is going well…
I’m now having regular weekly personal training sessions at my local health club, my PT comes from an Army background so that “two-line red” insight personality sits well with me as I’d rather be told what to do than someone dance around me and give me the soft option. They understand my limits too, that has become apparent in my most recent session where I simply couldn’t do the exercise and they adapt it instantly so I’m not left simply being unable to do it.
I have struggled to be fair with these sessions, not just physically – let’s face it, that’s what physical exercise is supposed to do – to push you, but also mentally – my body simply just can’t do what I want it to do – even the basic things such as squat or lunge – my legs (knee actually) just won’t do it and I have no confidence it ever will. I try and focus on how far I’ve come (the last blog’s title) but these small setbacks do start to add up and make me realise that my return to sport can be even further away than I wanted. But – my PT keeps me focused on the “now” and what challenges I need to overcome to get there.
I also have a weekly physiotherapist appointment to ensure my recovery is going in the right direction. In this session there’s measurements taken, some ultrasound and manipulation if needed and constant review on what’s working and what’s not. I am at a plateau at the moment with range of motion – my knee is kinda stuck at 5 degrees away from straight and about the same away from fully bent – this will hopefully come from increased strength and confidence in this joint and therefore my brain will let me have it back to use – if that makes sense?
He’s fully supportive of me regarding my exercise regime – the cycling to increase strength and fitness, the gym sessions and the swimming. He has indicated that my recovery is advanced to many others he sees but I sometimes question (as most people with my mindset do) whether it’s just a positive ending to the physio session to keep me motivated for the next week.
My coach has also been very positive on what I can & cannot do. My bike sessions are now including slightly elevated intervals, only of a short duration but I welcome this type of session as it relives the boredom of an indoor cycling session. My swims are now without the assistance of the pull buoy, at first this was a necessity because we needed to eliminate the use of my leg(s) but as the sessions have developed there’s been a focus to remove the buoy for the first 50m, 100m, 150m, 200m etc. and now we’re at a point to remove it altogether. This week I’ve been told there’s a simple one length “kick drill” so we’ll see if that aggravates the leg.
In between all this Suzy had another event in Majorca – Challenge Paguera. This was a 70.3 (half distance) event. Our good friends Danny & Michelle came along with us as well as Suzy’s mother Cheryl.
Danny was doing the event as a solo, I was also supposed to compete but things happen. Michelle was unable to swim so Suzy offered to do that leg as part of a relay team and Michelle could do the bike & run in order to cross the finish line for her first time. Cheryl came along as “chief supporter”. This had been planned for months, almost a year ago actually, as our end of season “bash”. After this event we were to move over to the other side of the island for a well-deserved rest for a week before returning home.
We arrived on Thursday dinnertime at the event hotel. After building Danny & Michelle’s bikes Suzy then collected the rental bikes for herself, her mum and mine. The only option for me was an e-bike. It’s clear I would have major issues being able to ride up the climbs in Majorca so the decision was made to rent an e-bike for me for this part of the holiday – firstly, to see if I was able to ride a bike on the roads – a mental thing, and secondly to see if I could actually ride a bike for more than an hour – something I wasn’t doing yet at home. If and it was a big “if” I did ok would Suzy rent me another e-bike when we got to the other side of the island.
On Thursday afternoon we rode round the 70.3 course – just one lap to give Michelle & Danny an idea on what they were to expect. On Saturday they would do this twice – and at speed, so they needed to know where the technicals bits were and where the tough climbs were. We stopped at half-way (20k) at one of favourite coffee stops in Calvia before going round to Magaluf and Santa Ponsa. In a very bad stroke of luck a child ran out onto one of the pedestrian crossings without looking, Danny was ahead and only just managed to stop, I was behind and only just stopped without hitting the child – Michelle slammed on the brakes last-minute only to go straight over the handlebars and hitting the deck – a cut eyebrow, quite a bit of blood and a chipped tooth stopped us all in our tracks. A bit of TLC and first aid – equipment supplied by an ice-cream shop owner and we very slowly rode back to the hotel 30mins later worrying about Michelle’s injuries that may stop her from competing her first big event. In fairness I would’ve written the event off there & then but she’s made of sterner stuff and decided to compete nonetheless the following morning after an “ok” nights’ sleep.
On the Friday, whilst everyone was having a relaxed day before the race-day, I decided to try and overcome my fears of riding solo. I was in the protection of the group yesterday but was unsure how I would cope mentally with riding on my own. After a few wobbles when near vehicles passing by I managed to do the same lap as the day before in a fairly reasonable time just over 90 minutes. I did have assistance to be fair on the climbs so without I would be considerably slower but today was not about pace – it was about being able to handle riding the bike for the first time solo in nearly 6 months. I did ok I guess but it wasn’t pleasant that’s for sure.
Race day came and I rode to a hill nearby where I had stopped before back in 2017 to cheer the Beccles Triathlon Club competitors. It had started to rain so as well as cheering everyone on I was also making them aware of how slippery Majorca roads can be – especially on hairpin bends! I cheered Danny & Michelle on and BTC member Shaun Crowley and once the vast majority of competitors had passed I rode back to the hotel to cheer everyone on the run. My descent it must be said, was slower than my ascent. The wet roads and my mental state meant that this ride was not going to be swift in any shape or form.
Danny completed the event around 6hrs and Suzy & Michelle a handful of minutes later which also picked up the win in the “Female Relay” class! This means they will be competing against Danny, me and Katie in the relay race at Samorin in Slovakia next year at The Challenge Championships – not bad for an end of season jolly!
After a relaxed day on Sunday we moved over to Alcudia on the other side of the island to chill out. Suzy did get me another e-bike to do a few rides. One ride I wanted to do was Formentor which I did on the Tuesday, I also did a couple of rides with the guys on the Thursday and Saturday, riding up Sa Colobra (a must if in Majorca) and a lunch trip to Petra – a regular stop when I used to come to Majorca in the spring on training camps.
I found a local gym so managed to squeeze a few gym sessions in too, as well as a couple of short sea swims – the last time I swam in the sea was Long Course Weekend in Alcudia two years previously so I was happy to do that again without any major issue – except the jelly fish!!!! (Ask Suzy)!
The downside to all-inclusive hotels is the food and drink so it’s safe to say I won’t be using the scales anytime soon!
Upon return to the UK I’ve come back to reality with a bit of a bang – my leg is permanently hurting both when walking and resting. This is with or without the crutch and is starting to get a little unbearable even when I’m icing it or wearing compression wear. So much so I’ve contacted my case manager and asked for the possibility of an appointment with my consultant who did my surgery. I’m convinced the hardware will now need to be removed as I feel this is what is rubbing up against the muscles in my legs, I’m also convinced this is what’s stopping my full ROM. The swelling is at a minimum so that’s a positive – but maybe this is why the muscles are now connecting with my plate & screws? If I’m being honest I’m having a bit of a meltdown as this may mean another surgery and more time sat on this damn sofa but I have to think rationally and realise that hardware removal may allow me to walk (run even) without pain in the future. Talking to a lot of people around the world on the TPF Facebook Page it’s very clear that those who opted for this HWR surgery haven’t looked back. I guess the worst thing for the consultant to say is that there’s nothing wrong and I just have to grin & bear it as it’s part of the healing process but I’m not sure I can handle that.
I’m past saying I’m beginning to hate this injury – I do actually hate this injury.
My feelings towards the driver who did this to me are changing too – and not in a good way. The less said about that the better. The psychologist I have been approved has yet to contact me – I feel she may have her work cut out as things are starting to mount up.
It gives me no confidence that I will be able to carry on my life as I know it. I know no-one wants to hear all this negativity but it is clearly grinding me down on a daily basis. I’ve hidden myself over the months in the process and just looked forwards to the next bike, gym or swim session but now my sights are set on the future and I literally do not have any answers. At my current state even 2022 is getting further & further away. All the positives from being able to ride a bike solo and being able to ride with my friends without any major issue and now this…
Sorry 🙁
Maybe next blog will have a better ending…