With Challenge Roth being just 5 days away I’m sat here, tapering, and as any athlete would know, tapering is the worst time leading up to an event. Your fitness (hopefully) is at the right level for the event ahead but you’re looking at four walls and feeling that your fitness is disappearing like sand through your fingers. The reality is that you’re having some well-earned time off from the usual 2 or 3 training sessions each day that a multisport can demand. Adding into that the rehab sessions in the gym and the recovery tools I have at home and it’s weird that the tight schedule each day seems to have disappeared and you’re stressing that you haven’t done enough!
My last blog was off the back of Ibiza and Majorca before that. The experiences on both islands were vastly different and I have to try & look at the positives from those days/weeks spent. I’d like to say I’m happy to have finished the World Long Distance Champs in a fairly good position, but me being me, I’d fail to see that the bike leg was a good one. I’m happy with the swim leg, to have completed 3000m in well under an hour and with fairly good sighting I’ve got to be happy with that. The choppy sea and the kickback waves from the island we were swimming round makes me realise that I’m kinda ok with swimming these days. But that bike leg 🙁
Coming back to the UK with Roth on the horizon and with the Europeans in the distance gave me a bit of a focus long-term. Short-term, there was the Outlaw Half in Nottingham and a few Time Trials to see where my bike form was. My counsellor seems to think I’m too hard on myself, even if I get a good result I’m quick to point out the negatives of the performance and beat myself up about it. Looking back through my pre-crash sporting career I was in a circle of friends and team mates who would depend on each other in the racing environment and if I didn’t perform well I would be criticised fairly quickly. There’s also that internal pressure I put on myself to not let others down. There’s also that social element where I was chose to be part of a group that didn’t take mediocrity as an option. When I look back this “mediocrity” was a complete falsehood in every sense of the word. The people that cited this were just alphas that had no perception of the struggle of others in the group. They chose to single out the weaker sportspeople and ridicule them rather than encourage and support them. I’ve disassociated myself from these people and although they have created a scenario to make me the negative influence in the situation – “I’m the one with the problem”, it’s quite liberating to see them from the outside and realise the complete “disconnect” they have with their own realities. The question that is asked is “what decent human being would put someone else down when they are struggling?” There’s a lot of literature and discussion about removing yourself from those kind of people and how this is a positive move in anyones’ self-development. They very rarely talk about the grief that follows this decision, although is was the right decision it still leaves a level of sadness that the decision had to be made. I would always have an element of hope and apology would follow and they would see the negativity they have imposed on others in the name of fun or banter, but I have no control over that and need to understand that may never happen.
Trying not to dwell on this, let’s move on!
The next weekend after Ibiza I was straight back into the racing scene although only on a bike. I took part in a local 25TT (40km) on a fairly open-flat course. As always I was unsure of what my legs were capable of after a few hectic weeks abroad so I decided to go easier than usual and then ramp things up maybe on the 2nd lap of the 2-lap course. This is did with fairly successful results clocking a 57:15 which gained a course PB, also my fastest 25 for a few years (post crash at least). Typically I looked at the metrics when I got home and saw that I could’ve tried harder in the very early stages and completely forgot about the positives. Something my counsellor pointed out fairly quickly – again.
The following week was a “Team Esser” revisit to the Outlaw Half in Nottingham. In an attempt to enjoy the weekend and the race itself I did try to forget about the stressful lead up and just turn up and go. The fact we had raced this last year gave me some knowledge of the course and what to do on the day itself so that was very helpful. Friends Danny & Michelle came to watch too so that added a very welcomed social element to the weekend.
Reading back last years’ blog regarding this event it was quite a (mentally) difficult event as I was pressuring myself to perform well. This time I just got in the water and swam, pretty much the same time as last year but I came out of the lake really relaxed. Onto the bike I had a power number in mind after last weeks’ event (and percentage of) and decided to stick to it. On the bike course there were a couple of mini-battles with other competitors but one-by-one I cycled past them and got back into T2 where Suzy was waiting for me with a 2:19 – a 5 minute PB on the bike course. I later found out I was in the Top-40 “on the day” on the bike leg with over 2000 competitors racing that day. I also looked at my swim & bike times in comparison to my Age Group and I would be only be 3 minutes behind the winner of the event. Happy Days.
With no pressure on Suzy to perform, we’d agreed that it wasn’t a race – it was just a great opportunity to just get out there and have some fun. She came round the first time on the 3-lap run nearly 5 minutes ahead of schedule, the second time round it was again another 5 minutes ahead of schedule. This relaxed run had somehow turned into a PB attempt for a half marathon. On the 3rd lap the heat and the intensity of the run had it’s affect on Suzy and she had to reduce to walking and came in just over 2hrs – which is where she was aiming for anyway. Although not noticeable immediately, the over-exertion had injured Suzy’s calf and we later had it diagnosed as a Grade 1/2 calf strain which has put her out of running for several weeks.
Nonetheless, the result itself was faster than last year and we improved out 15th position in the relay race in 2022 to 12th in 2023.
The following week the distance was upped a little with my entry into the London 100 (Ride London). I had entered this a long time ago and had no intentions of any superior performance so the approach to this event was laid back to say the least. I even rode to Cambridge (94 miles away) on the Friday, two days before this event to meet Suzy from work. I was in one of the early “fast” pens and just followed wheels in the early miles. There were moments where I thought I would need to ease off as I wouldn’t last the 100 miles at this pace but kept plugging away holding onto the group I managed to find myself in. In the end it turned into a semi-road race with riders trying to escape off the from of a 100-strong group. But one-by-one they were hauled back by the sheer speed of the “peloton” and we all rolled over the finish line at Tower Bridge in a shade over 4hrs. In fairness I could not believe the time I had done the ride in, I was expecting a 20mph average but instead it was 25mph – like I said it was almost at the speeds we used to race at. My mind wandered if I could actually road race again as I could do this speed for 100 miles – maybe an itch to scratch later in 2023???
Another week passed and I’m off to Peterborough for the Tour Of Cambridgeshire – another 100 miler. This was entered a few months ago as Suzy was riding this from a deferred entry back in 2019. I did have an opportunity to compete in Grafman, a few miles down the road as Suzy was taking part in this event but I decided to get another 100 in the bag because of Challenge Roth later in the month of June. Suzy, still limping and severely injured from Outlaw a fortnight ago wasn’t riding and I was to ride this event on my own. I had the same approach as the London ride and just stayed near the front of the group as to avoid crashes etc. and tried to enjoy the event itself with no pressure on myself to perform. In reality the group I was in were quite apprehensive to push the pace – a far cry from last weeks’ event. So I decided to push it a little to get something going. I was followed by two other rides and a 3-up group was formed. I decided to drop off the back of this group some 20 miles into the ride as the main group chasing us were only 30-45 seconds behind and it was safer for me to hide in a bunch rather than be exposed to the windy conditions that day in such a small group. When I say “hide” I mean take turns on the front but when I wanted to I could sit-in and take a breather before helping the pace again. The 50-strong group soon turned into 12 as the mileage increased. The 2 riders were caught at around 70 miles and soon were catapulted out the back of our group due to fatigue and the group dwindled some more into just 6. I crossed the line last of our group but happy with the 4:30hr time. Suzy was waiting for me with a well-earned drink and some salty chips for recovery!
Another week and multiple races over a few days… I had intended on avoiding the local Beccles Triathlon as I’ve been involved in the organising of it for several years. I just needed some time out from it. So instead I entered a 10-mile TT the day before on the same stretch of road I did the 25TT a few weeks earlier. The wind was blowing and although sunny & hot the race was considerably slower than it should’ve been. I ended up with a 22:52 – equal 11th place on the day. I pushed too hard in the early stages and paid for it towards the end but still happy to be in the 22’s.
Earlier in the week I was approached by a lovely lady we know who was supposed to take part in the Beccles Triathlon as a solo. She hadn’t ridden her bike all year and asked me to the bike leg for her. I agreed immediately and then realised I was doing the 10TT the day before but nevertheless I’d give it my best shot. The swim leg was taken by Sharn – a BTC member, myself on the bike and then Hazel to do the running part. All in all it was all very low key, I just didn’t want to let the others down so rested after the TT and tried to eat well the night before and just have a go. As a result I did the 2nd best bike split on the day (out of 200 competitors) and our relay team were 2nd. A great morning, a great event with some great friends cheering us all on.
Two days later there was another 10mile TT on the same course as Saturday. This was the official Beccles Triathlon Club 10 mile Champs so being in fairly good form I had to ride to try and pick up a trophy. The wind had lightened, and changed direction which made for a fast outward leg and a fairly difficult return. 15 riders from BTC had turned up to the Godric CC organised event and one-by-one we set off recording (mostly) personal best times on the course. I somehow recorded a 21:42 – my fastest on that course ever and my 3rd fastest all-time 10 ride picking up the Scratch (fastest) trophy. So it’s safe to say my biking is going quite well at the moment!
The days in between these weekends and racedays have mainly consisted of gym “rehab” sessions on my right leg/knee. Swimming both in the pool and in the open water at our local boating lake. And some fairly intensive turbo/wattbike sessions to try and keep the aerobic capacity up there and in line to do well at Roth and the Europeans only a few months away now.
Writing this blog now I’ve realised that’s a hell of a few weeks training and racing, I just hope that I haven’t fatigued myself too much for this coming weekend.
It’s easy to forget the other stresses that life throws at you – the inability to walk without a walking stick on most days. The pain in my knee after the races…and training sessions. The ultrasound sessions, the chiropractic appointments, the PT sessions that floor me every time despite my constant wind-up comments to my PT that they’re easy. The mental fortitude that’s required to just get up & get out of the door to attend these sessions & appointments – that can be exhausting at times too. Yeah, the performances are great when they happen but the crap that goes with it can be pretty bad. But what choices are there? Do I give up and just blame my crash for every failure in the future? Or just try & crack on in the hope I can make the best of a sh##y situation?
Very cheesy but “The Comeback is always better than the setback”!
This Sunday sees Challenge Roth as the last event booked pre-crash for me to complete. As my counsellor says – “before you can open new doors, you need to close old ones” and this is definitely a thing I need to do to close my past. It’s a 3800m swim followed by a 180k bike ride, from this point I’m done. I hand over the baton to my wonderful number one supporter – Suzy. With her own battles in recent weeks with a torn calf and the rehabilitation required for that, she’s also had to deal with a stroppy 51 year old complaining about a “brokeded knee” whenever things get tough.
Without her I would not be where I am, come Sunday we won’t be anywhere without her continued support and care & affection. I’m pretty useless at showing my appreciation at times but writing this in my blog is hopefully some way to show I do.
She hates running as a rule, especially marathons!
“Team Esser” one more time!