Ok, we’re now 17 weeks since the injury and I’m just about walking, with crutches and in pain. I do need to realise that what happened on that May evening could’ve ended my life. The fact I made an attempt to save my own life in those last few seconds before the collision puts me in the position I am now. People have asked me over the months since how I feel about it and each time they get a varied response, in the true “British Stiff Upper Lip” way I generally reply to appease the situation, saying I’m ok, saying I’m getting there, saying progress has been really good and all that stuff to make the person I’m replying to tick the “happy” boxes. I’m not going to get all “doom & gloom” but it needs to be said that the past few months have been the worst of my life. No-one knows this except Suzy as she’s seen this first-hand but let’s face it – no-one really wants to hear the negativity. Anyone reading this right now is probably thinking of better things to do with their 5 minutes during their lunch break!
The fact that my life didn’t end that fateful day doesn’t mean I can just carry on as normal moving forwards. A Tibial Plateau Fracture is an extremely complicated and rare break, to say “it’s just a broken leg” is in simple terms – an insult. To say that the leg bone you stand on has been completely shattered and the surgeon has had to pin it and plate it means you’ll never walk the same again. And that’s just the physical side.
Bones can be repaired, I guess. And I may be able to get back to some sort of normality with my sport & exercise. But mentally I don’t think I’ll be the same again. The first moment I realised this was whilst Suzy was taking me to my Physiotherapist a few weeks back – we were on a country lane and I just had a massive “lack of control” moment and completely freaked out. She was under the speed limit but all of a sudden I had images of a cyclist pulling out round the corner, maybe a car coming round the corner a little too fast and wandering into our lane – suffice to say I was a complete mess and it was only an hour or so later I had calmed down. The fear of our vulnerability in every day life hit me like a ten tonne truck completely out of the blue.
I look back at my incident and replay it in my head, I’ve done this a thousand times and I haven’t seen the vulnerability in any shape or form over the past months but all of a sudden it’s appeared and now I can’t get it out of my head. I watch TV, I watch clips on the internet and just people-watch and cringe when I see people jump off the smallest of steps and think “I’m never going to be able to do that ever again”. Ok, I don’t know what the future holds but right now it’s “no – can’t do that” pretty much everywhere I turn. I’m not going to harp-on about it but it’s the negativity about a massive injury can bring to the psyche of an individual who was so active beforehand.
Back to the “positive” progress bit….
Physiotherapy has been going well, Christian has handled me with kid gloves so-to-speak to start with because I was non-weight bearing (NWB). As I couldn’t work my leg at all we just worked on my core and upper body. I’ve done this before and I do size-up quite quickly after a few weeks at the gym – let’s just say that I tried to get my racing wetsuit on recently and couldn’t get it over my shoulders! As soon as my consultant said I could Partial or Fully weight Bear (PWB/FWB) Christian has turned into a hard task master and it’s clear there’s a lot of work to be had on that right leg that’s being doing absolutely nothing since May. I have no strength in my glute or hamstrings – and when I mean no strength I mean zero – he measured it yesterday and it didn’t even move the needle.
As far as Range of Movement (ROM) is concerned I’ve moved from 90 degrees flexed (fixed before consultant agreed I could remove the fixed brace) to 123 degrees yesterday. As I understand it 130-140 degrees is “normal”. Similarly, I’m 8 degrees off straight, it was 10 degrees two weeks ago so it’s getting there. The lack of a straight leg stops me from walking properly – as you straighten your leg as you step-off into your next step so walking looks odd. My physio exercises lasts about 80 minutes and I’m doing that three times a week in my local gym…..then straight onto ice packs when I get home as my knee swells up like a balloon. 🙁
Swimming has been going well, probably because of the lack of the other disciplines. My first handful of visits to the local pool were used with pull buoy. This was to isolate the legs as I didn’t want to use them and cause any unnecessary pain. Now the consultant has said I can PWB/FWB I’ve been slowly trying to wean myself off the pull buoy and start to use my legs again. Of course, my legs have been doing nothing at all in recent months so they have been just dangling behind me, even without the buoyancy aid – now I’ve got to learn to use them again.
My “highlight” of the year was last weekend where Suzy & I, along with friends Danny & Michelle, down to Hyde Park to swim the Serpentine 2-mile swim, there we bumped into quite a few friends which was really motivating for me.
This is a stand alone event to support Children with Cancer, but also part of the “London Classics” series where, if you complete the London Marathon, the Prudential London 100 bike ride and the swim you receive a fourth medal – the London Classics Medal. In my year of zero planned events this was my one & only event to get some bling and I did it. Overall I was happy with my swim as I was just inside the top 10% in my age and gender – not bad for a guy with one leg!
Cycling has been progressive, I’ve taken it upon myself, with the agreement of John – my coach, to up the wattage occasionally so that I can regain some sort of strength in my legs in my dominant sport. There are a couple of problems I have come across in this pursuit of cycling fitness – firstly I cannot stand on the pedals – because I cannot put all my weight on my right leg so I am constantly sat on the turbo trainer which gives me an uncomfortable ride after about 30 minutes so I have to get off the bike every now and then to take the pressure off my backside. The second issue is I’m doing all my routines on the turbo because I cannot physically (or mentally) trust myself out on the open road yet so boredom does kick in quite a lot on the bike. Nonetheless, I have just completed my first few “blue zone” rides. I’ve not adjusted my old FTP yet on Zwift so what this really means I’ve just moved from Z1 to Z2 – which is blue in colour. Progress is progress I suppose.
Running – there is no running!
Walking however is something I am trying to work on as we speak. I’m using crutches still – in London and in Almere I was using two crutches to get about. In Almere we took the wheelchair just in case I was too knackered to use the crutches and we did use that a few times in our short stay. Around the house and in the gym I am using one crutch now and I’m still quite dependant on it even though I could probably have a go at walking unassisted. My Physiotherapist is trying to wean the crutch off me but it’s a painful process as I have no balance, stability or strength in that leg whatsoever so that’s where the real work is – in the next few months trying to walk unassisted again.
As a side-issue, today – 23rd September, is a big date for me. Last year this was the date I started to run again – using the Couch to 5k App. This was after a fairly serious injury that stopped me from running for several months in 2020. Immediately after my injury in May I did highlight this date to get running again – that has been severely postponed as I can’t even walk yet. Managing expectations as John keeps on telling me – it’s a long road to recovery.
Have I mentioned Almere???
This is where I was supposed to represent Great Britain for the first time in the ITU Long Distance World Championships. Almere is based just outside Amsterdam in the Netherlands. We went there 2 years ago where Suzy dd the European Long Distance Champs for GB and I did a pretty quick Middle Distance event taking 40-minutes off my PB. I knew the course so was really keen to qualify for this event – then my injury happened and that was that. The GB team have been really helpful and have acknowledged my injury, in turn they have deferred my entry to next year where at least I may be able to swim & bike in the Aquabike event – the venue has yet to be agreed.
Anyway – back to this year. Suzy was competing in the Long Distance Aquabike event so I was going along as an athlete supporter. There were multiple forms to complete as The Netherlands are in a lockdown, we had to get official documents off the Dutch Olympic Committee to enter the country and we paid out quite a bit of money on Covid PCR Tests to get into the country , and to get out of the country to get back home.
We knew the event format, having visited there two years ago, and felt quite at home in the hotel right next to the transition/event area. Suzy was understandably anxious but did absolutely amazing and beat her 180k bike previous best by 15 minutes to get 5th in her Age Group – IN THE WORLD!
To say I was a proud husband is a complete understatement. She has devoted so much time & energy into this sport over the past few months where she could’ve sacked it all off to look after me. Dividing her time from constantly working, training and looking after me must’ve been a complete logistical nightmare – I really don’t know how she did it!
The atmosphere at the event and talking to other athletes, including a friendly few pro’s has definitely helped in my motivation to get back to some kind of fitness in the hope I can represent GB in the future. It was definitely a positive experience as opposed to the “jealous of other athletes competing” I was anticipating.
Moving forwards it’s just a case of sticking to my exercise routines each day/week, walking unassisted and trying to get back to work as soon as possible to get that “normality” box ticked.
This “vulnerability” thing needs looking at, using my rational-part of my brain it’s because of the incident and my injury but I occasionally have an irrational side – ask my wife! Jokes aside maybe a conversation with someone more specialised I think before I try and go out on the open road again.
That’s it I think so far. There’s been a few people say how brave I have been – I have a different take on this – I’m not brave at all, this “happened” to me, I didn’t ask for it, it just happened. The following months have not been an act of bravery in any sense. I’ve simply just took the hit, no pun intended and tried to get back to some kind of my previous life as best I can. Bravery I think, can be left to some people/professions out there that far outweigh my perceived danger on a daily basis.
Onwards…..!