Ok, this might seem all doom and gloom but it only seems that way – well that’s what I keep telling myself.
This past 6 weeks has been a bit of a rollercoaster that’s for sure. One minute it’s full of optimism and the next it’s full of pessimism. One minute you’re thinking that you’ll be just repeating all of your 2020/2021 Autumn/Winter training just 12 months later than planned – I mean, it’s just another year right? And then all of a sudden you’re thinking this injury will be lifelong, what if I ever manage to even walk properly again, forget riding a bike, forget about exercising, forget about everything that has consumed your life in the past 20 years.
Ok, I may sound a bit melodramatic but the ups and downs of this injury and the fact you’re staring at the four walls of your house for hours/days/weeks upon end means you have plenty of time to deliberate pretty much every scenario that may happen moving forwards. I have had the opportunity to go to work during this covid pandemic but there are many who have been forced to work from home (chosen even) and worse-still some have been furloughed. This pandemic has forced people into the situation I am (kind of) in. I can now relate to how some people have been severely affected by staying at home and having those four walls to look at.
My focus is obviously the situation I am in, for others it’s about their situations. There are 1000’s of stories and 1000’s of situations that people are being forced into and it’s no wonder that mental health issues have become a major issue in recent months because of covid.
Work, family, sports, hobbies and life in general is enough for most to distract themselves from some issues they probably don’t want to face. An interruption in just one of those could mean that life slows down just enough for some to scrutinise their life, their problems and then all of a sudden that “mental health” stigma thing rears its’ ugly head.
It not my place to patronise or to rant on about the effects of mental health, we all have our own battles, some we share and some we don’t. There is a grand spectrum of people with these issues ranging from minor issues which are discussed with supportive family and friends and resolved almost instantaneously all the way through to major issues where some are contemplating the worse-case scenario and looking at rationalising that as the best thing to do. Everyone is in the middle there somewhere of this spectrum, like it or not, we all have mental health issues whether we choose to accept it. Those that choose not to label it as a mental health issue just bat it off and deal with it methodically or discuss it with their loved ones and find a solution to resolve it – or worse still distract from it completely and go find something else to do whilst that problem disappears naturally….hopefully. Then there are some that dwell on the issues and all of a sudden many other issues arise which weren’t there to start with and all of a sudden there’s a plethora or issues that can become too much. All I’m trying to say is we’re all human, we all have issues and battles, don’t judge, don’t think you’re somehow a better person by not having those battles and just accept people who they are and what they are dealing with day to day.
I’m starting to rant so I’ll stop…to be honest I wrote another 3 paragraphs relating to it but deleted them!
My “situation” from my last blog hasn’t changed massively, if you ask people around me they would say it has changed immensely from the day I was hit or perhaps the day they last saw me. In reality, through my eyes I see very little progress day by day – I’m still sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV the same way I was watching daytime TV 4 weeks ago. On a plus note I’ve had uninterrupted coverage of the Tour de France – a bonus I guess. The only issue I am having is due to the lack of sleep at night I’ve been behaving like a newborn baby and sleeping whenever I feel tired throughout the day – this has on occasion been during the last 50km of the racing each afternoon and I’ve had to watch the highlights later that day to catch up on what I missed – if anything at all.
My social media activity has increased somewhat – my focus on Twitter regarding complete idiots complaining that cyclists are some kind of second class citizen has touched a few nerves. The abundance of complete ignorance (or arrogance) that if a cyclist gets hit they completely deserved it really does make my blood boil – forget about the mode of transport, I cannot comprehend how someone would want to injure or kill someone, let alone openly advertise this fact on their social media account.
If a person would advertise the fact they were going to hurt someone on social media with a weapon, say a gun or a knife (for example) the local police would react instantly to this and prevent that person from doing so – if they could of course. However, if there’s some kind of intent to injure or kill with motor vehicle there is zero-interest from the police. I have seen comments from cyclists who have been “close-passed” (and with video evidence) that the police’s reply was “was anyone hurt”? I’m not really sure whether that makes any difference as there is evidence to suggest there was intent. The questions really that seem quite important are: Does there need to be injury or a fatality to spring the police into action? Should this person who is intent on hurting another road user at the next opportunity be allowed on the road in the first place?
What also makes things worse is the inconsistency of sentencing people who have seriously injured or killed cyclists. A suspended sentence and a £500 fine for example for life-changing injuries is one example. Another is a driving ban for 2 years and £800 fine for killing someone, fleeing the scene and trying to evade the fact they were even the driver. Until cars are seen in the same context as a knife or a gun when being used as an offensive weapon things won’t change – and don’t even get me started on whether these rules would be policed or not!
Of course, my situation (you would argue) has made me anti-motorist. Far from it. I’m just anti-bad driving. Anti “I’m more important than any other road user because I pay more tax/insurance etc.” I’ve been banging that “entitlement” drum for several years before my accident. I just have first-hand evidence of the effects of it now of course!
Ok, my recovery…
First week home from Hospital was tough to say the least. My leg was super swollen and in turn that meant a lot of pressure whenever I got up either to go to the toilet or to fetch something from the kitchen which meant a bit of pain for the next 30 minutes. I tend to sleep on my side at night so with the leg brace this was impossible. Lying on my back and on the sofa proved very uncomfortable and my only saviour was the morphine at 2am which knocked me out enough to get 2 to 3 hours sleep. Suzy ended up sleeping on the other sofa to be there just in case I needed anything so her daily routine was completely buggered too.
Second week saw me being able to move better little more, I even ventured outside with the crutches to the bottom of our cul-de-sac (I know right!) before coming back to my sanctuary of a sofa and then sleeping for 2hrs to get over it. A few days later I went round the block, which took me nearly 15 minutes, Suzy recorded it on Strava for me to prove I did it just in case there were any doubters! I did try to sleep in bed but the pain in my heel and calf muscle was too much and we both relocated to the sofas at 4am that night.
I was visited by the NHS physiotherapist at the end of the week and was given a few exercise to do, their help has been invaluable but they will only be there for the acute phase of this injury and once I am up and walking about their job is done. It’s then and only then will private physio and perhaps specific physical training that will get me back to me being 99% of where I was on that Wednesday evening.
Third week saw Suzy take me to the doctors for my dressings to be changed and then a revisit to the scene of the accident. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with that but on the whole it was ok. We had flowers and a card for both the lady who attended to me immediately afterwards until the ambulance took me away and the shop nearby who had provided invaluable CCTV footage of the incident. A quick chat with both parties and a coffee & cake at a local coffee shop saw me out of the house for a couple of hours, leg was pretty purple after that and soon enough I was home, elevated and fast asleep for the afternoon!
Fourth (this) week and I’m becoming more mobile – the big test was a weekend away at Holkham where I watched Suzy run a 10k on the Saturday and Danny, alongside several Beccles Triathlon Club members complete the Holkham Half Iron Distance event. I was supposed to be doing this event so wasn’t quite sure how I’d react – I guess I was going to cross that bridge when I got to it. In fairness we had the “staycation” booked months ago so it was always going to happen – with or without me.
That morning before we headed to Holkham, I took my “sick note” for the next few weeks to work. Suzy could quite as easily take it herself but I wanted to go there so they could see it for themselves what state I was actually in. Through Chinese whispers the general census of opinion was that I was knocked off my bike and had a few scratches – without that in-depth knowledge of my crash you would’ve wondered why I hadn’t returned to work yet so I also wanted to deliver the sick note to prove my injures so-to-speak. There were a few surprised reactions as to the seriousness on my injury as compared to what they were told so I’m happy that I did this as it has set the record straight in that respect. In saying that it didn’t top my manager asking me to come back sooner on my crutches or even in a wheelchair!
We travelled up to North Norfolk on the Friday afternoon, the journey was ok, although I was getting pretty uncomfortable in the last 30 minutes, fidgeting uncontrollably much to Suzy’s annoyance. The cabin had a ramp – bonus! But it had rained a bit so crutches were a little skittish on the surface. I soon assumed the lying down position in my new home whilst everyone hustled around to organise their kit for the weekends’ racing or what we were going to eat. I felt pretty lazy to be fair compared to everyone else but not much I could’ve done really. I had “first dibs” on the sofa bed as bed sleeping had yet to happen at home – suffice to say that went well and I am now sleeping in bed, albeit on my own in the 1st floor spare bedroom (two floors is a little too much at present) with a bucket-load of pillows and cushions to limit my movement.
On the Saturday we travelled across to the Holkham Estate – some 40mins away from our park, the ladies – Suzy, her Mother – Cheryl and Danny’s wife – Michelle took part in the 10k run around the Estate’s grounds whilst Danny racked his bike in preparation for the following days’ event. I had my crutches and a borrowed wheelchair at my disposal and this worked fairly well – we also had access to the Disabled Car Park which was pretty close everything. The weather wasn’t all bad either as there was torrential rain and thunderstorms within 20 miles nearby – we got lucky. During our time there I met loads of people I hadn’t seen for several years and catching up with them and chatting the small stuff was a welcomed relief to my four walls.
The following day we were up at 3:45 in order to get Danny to the start on time, it didn’t help that the parks’ gate was closed and locked and we had to get a security guy out to open it at 4am. Onwards and we got to the event without issue, Danny got prepped whilst we just caught up with more friends and wished the other BTC competitors good luck as well as others who we knew – it’s surprising how may people we did know!
Five and half hours later – after cheering him on through T1, T2 and his 3 circuits on his run Danny finished, pretty pleased with his efforts, then over the next 3 hours we cheered on pretty much everybody else as they finished and the day was done. The weather had, again, been great and probably too warm for the competitors later in the field but no rain so that was good. I had inadvertently got a bit of sunburn on my face and arms so that was going to be fun to deal with over the next few days. My leg was pretty much twice the size it started out as and it did nearly take until the Wednesday for it to reduce in size completely – pretty painful when I was swollen but the weekend away was totally worth it. Both mentally and physically. Mentally – to prove I can get out of the house for a few hours (with help of course) and to see a bit of the outside world. Physically – to prove I can move around a lot more than what I was restricted to. There’s always that element you’ll do too much and damage yourself but I hopefully didn’t do that and assisted my recovery rather than hindered it.
I had “my moment” during the event – I hoped I was going to avoid it altogether but mid-race when sitting in my wheelchair at the T1 exit I toyed with the notion how well I could’ve performed today and then bang – I had a senior moment and fell apart a bit – masked mainly by my sunglasses but Suzy spotted it almost instantly and gave me a hug – it helped a lot to know she was there for me. On the negative side I started crying a lot more once she hugged me – I guess it’s better to get it out of the system rather than bottle it up!
So, here I am, writing this next blog, nothing major really apart from “doom and gloom” of my recovery.
Two weeks to go before I get to see the surgeon to tell me I can partial weight bear and get on with the next chapter of my life. I’ve removed my surgery dressing on the front of my shin and the scar has majorly improved by giving it some air – the one on my thigh is little worse so I don’t think it’s ready for that yet.
On a weird lighter note I’ve now realised that “snow foot” is a thing! I’ve joined a TPF friends page on Facebook and read many experiences of others around the world who have or are going through the same injury as me – apparently 1% of knee surgeries. Due to the lack of use my feet create a lot (and I mean a lot) of dead skin – other than moisturising them quite a lot there’s not much I can do but once I get moving this “snow foot” will not be a thing anymore! lol
Another good thing is that my Phone and my Garmin watch have now been replaced and I am now in a position to purchase another bike, helmet, shoes and clothing which was all destroyed that day. Our house insurance took care of that – I’m putting off purchasing any of these items as I’m worried this may be a long time before I can use any of these items – if at all. I know all doom and gloom again but there are so many hoops I have to jump through first before being able to get out on the road again on a spanking new bike and new clobber. Got to be realistic.
Further down the line we shall see what the civil and criminal systems are going to do about this incident. Although Suzy does I can’t worry about it as it will be a very slow process, just gotta take each day as it comes and deal with the small stuff – the big stuff will take care of itself!
Lastly, thank you to all those who have taken time to visit me at home, I’m not much of a host as I’m sat there on the sofa, with my purple leg and snow feet but I really do appreciate your company and it has made me realise over the past few weeks who my true friends are in my hour(s) of need. I hope that once I am up and able I can repay you that kindness you gave me.
Sometimes we all live in our little worlds and it’s the moments like this for us to realise what is (and who are) important in life when the chips are down.
From the heart – thank you my friends.