Ok, before we start I was being quite sincere when it comes to 2020 being a very memorable year with “Non-Sporting” events. I got married – that’s a miracle to start with! Although our honeymoon was postponed we eventually got to do that in November – again absolutely once in a lifetime experience – although it has been briefly discussed about going back there in future years. Then in July, as lockdown was released for a fortnight we managed to bag a week on our favourite island – Majorca.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to go to work as a “key worker” throughout this whole pandemic and it’s ups & downs. I can only imagine the stress and despair involved in anyone involved in any business that doesn’t know from one week to the next whether they’re allowed to go to work. I’ve only been unemployed for a just a few weeks of my working life and that was stressful so I have absolute sympathy with anyone going through this at the moment.
From a sporting perspective I managed the Tarpley 10 Mile Running Race in February and did it in under 1:20 which, for me at the time was quite spectacular as my running was dire to say the least. There was no consistency from the winter due to injury from Almere run-up (no pun intended) and the Majorca Long Course Weekend run-up & event itself which left me limping for quite a while and afraid to start anything consistent.
Then it all locked down…
During this time my swimming (which i’m proper crap at) took even more of a hit as swimming pools were closed, I had to wait until late-May for the rivers to warm up a bit for me to dip my toe in, once I did you couldn’t get me out of there, a new-found love for open water swimming, still at my crappy 2:00 min/100m pace but at least I was enjoying it. This brought me to my next event, albeit totally unofficial – the Locks To Lido swim. This Sunday afternoon swim with the ebbing tide made for a quicker pace but the distance was always going to be the mental issue – 4.5k. Just 700m further than I’ve done before. As it turned out a very relaxed affair and I managed it in just over an hour – I think I got 3rd on the Strava segment too (must’ve been a very strong tide)!
At the beginning of the lockdown I looked for a new coach as it was plain to see I was continually putting 3 sports plans into one week and something was going to give. I had considered setting my own bike plan and asking for separate running & swimming plans from local guys but the result would no doubt be the same – overload and risk of injury. So I opted for a remote coach that was referred to me by a good friend – as soon as a the telephone conversation was set up I felt bittersweet about it – I had been “passed on” to one of the referred coaches friends who was also a coach – but passionate enough to continue my journey I accepted the new relationship and continued with their coaching. Within 4 months it was clear that I was leading them into deciding my bike training, the improvement wasn’t their new coaching methods – it was because I was consistently doing training 3 to 4 times a week so I was always going to get fitter. The swimming was a “no-go” as pools were shut but once into open water I was given no clear instruction on what to do in the water. I have said this before in a previous blog but i’m just replaying this in my mind as I draw a close to the year so just bear with me! The running…. well…. that had a massive improvement, right up to the point where I tore a muscle in my left thigh. My sessions were (I felt) just what I needed to bring my running into this sport. I was flying on the tempo and fast sessions – doesn’t sound much but over a minute per kilometre faster is great in anyone’s language. My steady sessions were clearly benefitting – going at a “steady” 5min per k pace which was something I nearly killed myself for back in February at the Tarpley 10. These sessions were the final proverbial straw that broke this camels’ back and I had to stop running for nearly 5 months to recover. Looking back it was clearly the coaching (or lack of) that put me into the “injury zone” and although I still have the deepest respect for this guy as a competitive professional athlete and the understanding he is only trying to supplement his income as the sport pays peanuts in prize money for the pro’s, I just think passing down what works for him may not (clearly not in my case) works for others. That hopefully will come with age as he continues his coaching journey.
So mid-summer all I had was cycling, so I turned my hand to Time Trials – the best sport where social distance is practiced! My first event was a 50-Mile event (what a way to start!) and I smashed my lifetime PB by 4 minutes. I couldn’t believe it to be fair as I passed the timekeeper, it took the whole 15 minute journey back to the HQ to absorb what I had just done – in fairness it was a fast day and most were clocking PB’s but even still, a 1:52 is pretty impressive on anyone’s palmares regardless of conditions. A fortnight later, on a not-so-fast course and autumnal day I cam back down to earth with a bump – a DNF with a puncture BUT quite happy with that as I was clearly going to go 15 minutes slower for the same distance. A few days later i thought i’d have a go at the local TT club course and went under 24 minutes for the first time ever. It’s a “roadmans” course as I was told as a youngster, quite undulating and difficult to find a rhythm so happy I came away with my best result. A mental issue appeared it’s ugly head just before the event but somehow (I really don’t know how) I evaded it and kept to the plan and took a course PB. A few weeks later I clocked a “57” at a 25 Mile TT and my season was done.
So in fairness I ticked some boxes but in other ways I never got the chance to – Outlaw Nottingham Half, Samorin Championships Relay, Challenge Roth, World Championships at Almere as GB athlete and Majorca 70.3 as my season-ender. All deferred to 2021. The “triathlon” side of my world never amounted to anything in 2020 and I do understand the frustration of all multi-discipline athletes who train all year round for one or two events only to have the door well-and-truly slammed in their faces just weeks before the event.
Moving forwards I’ve got a new coach, two actually, one who I trust implicitly with my cycling coaching and the other who gels the running, swimming, Strength & Conditioning, Stretching recovery etc. to make it a new journey into 2021 with more realistic expectations of what I (my brain & my body) can do.
Mental Health
I’ve just read a book, it’s NOT a Life Coach book, he actually says that on the cover but it actually has rang a few bells. I’m 48 years old, kinda set in my ways on most things and I have reasons for those foibles and weird characteristics. The deep seated parts of my brain relating to past experiences, memories and emotions have made me who I am today and I won’t keep on defending that to people who see that as “different” or “weird”. In fairness I look back on my “environment” in certain periods of my life and the people I spent time with were quite toxic. I didn’t know any better and just accepted it as it was. Each day bits of me were chipped away at by these people and my former identity was slowly eroded into something that was more easy for these people to accept. As humans we have a trait of mirroring people as a way of being accepted by those around you. A simple example is a room full of adults and a child – the adults all laugh about something and the child inexplicably laughs out loud – no reason why but just to join in and be accepted. It’s a tribal thing.
My conforming to this ideology of fitting in with people stopped a few years back – I’m sure I still have traits of it still but I’ve physically removed myself from these situations. It’s been hard and sometimes I have relapsed (as such) taking to heart comments made by these people. I think now is the time to mention Suzy – I do it in pretty much every blog recently. My wife – the “go to” when I struggle. I’m an awkward bugger at times, and I sometimes have to sort these situations and emotions out in my own time, I can only imagine the hellish experience whilst I’m doing this but she is always there, at the beginning, during this process and at the end when I come out of my hole so-to-speak. I’ve never had that in my life – someone to rely on and know that whatever happens – she’s there. Annoyingly there!!! (Joke)
Back to this book… Social media is a disaster waiting to happen. Mental Health has deteriorated since the inception of Social Media – Why? Because everyone is posting themselves at their best. No-one posts “had a crap day today”, calling out for help as most would see it as attention seeking in the judgmental world we live in nowadays. The creation of Social Media was to join-up fiends and family from all over the globe – that’s true – I speak to my Cousins and extended family at a global level. I speak to past PT clients worldwide. I see their lives though a Instagram, Twitter or Facebook post and I’m happy in the knowledge they’re doing just fine. The issue is this – as humans we have an inherent need to socialise – Boris and the government have put a stop to that for the time being – let’s not even start on people who think this doesn’t apply to them and have been carrying on regardless, meeting mates, going out etc. The deaths of hundreds/thousands of people since the first lockdown is on your hands – you won’t accept that – you’re too ignorant to see that’s directly your responsibility because you’re too up your own arse to care about others – see….. I’m ranting when I said I wouldn’t!
Back to the need to socialise – if you’re abiding by the rules then Social Media is a huge outlet for our dopamine/social hit. Screen usage times have drastically increased since the lockdown and I even find myself hitting the phone for this hit quite alot recently. But, to my original point – it’s affecting Mental Health. One of my best friends – he’s definitely earnt that status in my dark years came off Social Media recently because of the negativity that everyone finds joy in posting and conversely the need to then post the best of themselves. It’s weirdly human nature to compare and when you’re having a bad time or are abiding by the rules and you see people enjoying themselves NOT abiding by the rules it makes your blood boil. There’s an element of jealousy, annoyance and sheer disbelief at times but it’s still a comparison.
The issue is this – you don’t have to compare.
The whole point of this blog was to share thoughts, feelings and emotions leading to big sporting events, the process by simply writing my thoughts and feelings has been therapy itself. It was about the journey – not the destination. If people find similarities in this blog – then great, I hope it’s helped. It’s definitely not my intention to show off – I’m not that sort of person, I’d rather be one of the crowd than the one who stands up above the rest in that respect.
Comparing myself to someone else on Strava who’s gone 2mph quicker than me today, who’s gone further in these cold conditions.
Comparing myself who’s in lockdown to those who aren’t (in their worlds anyway).
Comparing my own moral pillars to those who have very little (it seems).
Watching those who find great joy in trolling someone else, whether on Social Media or otherwise. Watching those who find the need to put others’ down consistently.
All these examples have Mental Health issues and a detrimental impact on those who are susceptible.
I’ll say it again – you don’t have to compare.
It’s like a rock, you know it’s heavy, you know it’ll be hard to carry so you just walk on by leaving it where it stands. Comparing yourself to someone else and their perfect lives (trust me – it isn’t by any stretch of the imagination) is like picking that rock up and burdening yourself with that weight. So just leave the f#####g rock where it is! lol
It’ll take time and it’ll be hard but create your own “environment” where you’re company is accepted, just as you are. The people around you support you and pick up the slack when you struggle. When trolled or insulted just spin it – remember the state of mind of that person who feels the need to put others down – “How low would I need to be to do that to another human being” and move on.
So here’s me – moving on – and trying not to compare – with the right people in my bubble.
In sport it’s crucial to accept your abilities – just as I have in Cycling & Triathlon. Each day I just want to be a better version of who I am. The journey of becoming a better me is a greater experience than just being me. I used to compare sporting performances to others’ – not any more. We’re all on our own journey and to continually depend on extrinsic rewards will always result in failure eventually. It’s the intrinsic “that felt great” feeling is my reason for continually striving to be better – not to impress someone else who couldn’t care less anyway!
Job done – onto 2021!
