I’ve referred to it a few times over the past few years but I’ve been going to a counsellor, at their house, about 45 minutes away from where I live. The Case Management Company (the people who manage my rehabilitation on behalf of the insurers) have kept this part going throughout my whole rehabilitation and thankfully, without any complaint from the funders.
It’s a relaxed affair, as you imagine it would be. No Sigmund Freud stuff, digging into locked-up childhood memories and horrific stuff like that – and not, as one clinical psychologist recommended – the need to pump me full of antidepressants with a hope my mind would be too numb to remember anything from that fateful day of the crash! lol
We just sit there and we catch up on what’s been happening in the past few weeks/months and how I dealt with each situation and then I’m offered “Tool Kits” as such to deal with future problems. The “human” in all of us, when we first are dealt with a difficult situation is think of a worse-case scenario. We then ponder on it a bit and slowly work out how to deal with it methodically and then the problem (generally) is solved and we move on with life. My situation – however – will not go away as I’m stuck with this gamma leg for life and there will come to a point in the hopeful far distance, I will need the knee replaced…more surgery!
So…I need coping strategies to deal with the bereavement of the “old Nick” and the new life ahead of me and allies possibilities. The fact that several differing orthopaedic consultants were all arguing with what was the best prognosis for me, and then added into the pot those pesky psychologists, and then add into it the lawyers and all the people in between and it soon becomes quite overwhelming and a bit of a “project management” situation where me…Nick…is the project!
In the middle of all this was my belligerent attitude and never say die attitude towards continuing some kind of sport and rehabbing both physically & mentally and my historical self-critical mentality that “nothing is good enough” when taking part in sport and you can see the counsellor had their work well & truly cut-out!
Things are coming to a close, as such, although they have left the proverbial door open to more sessions if I ever need them. But they see me as maybe not the finished article, but a rough diamond that needs a bit of time to work things out on my own in this new world that the crash has created.
I had a session earlier this week and one thing, if anything, that came from the 90minutes I spent waffling on about everything & nothing was that I had completed some ridiculous achievements “despite” my injury. The counsellor kept saying the word “despite” and although I’m sure they had mentioned it in most of our sessions over the past 30+ months, this time I listened….
“Despite”
Despite my injury, I have continued to go to the gym and as well as rehabbed my knee, I have managed to continue the gym routines I completed pre-crash.
Despite my injury, I have turned my Triathlon-disaster story into a Aquabike success story, representing Great Britain at the World and European Championships in 2022, 2023 and soon in 2024.
Despite my gammy leg I have managed 7th place in the World Long Distance Aquabike Champs in Slovakia 2022, and 6th place (and 1st British participant) in the European Middle Distance Champs in Belgium in 2023.
Despite my injury, I have represented “Team Esser” where my wife & I have raced at Challenge Roth in Germany and Outlaw Nottingham Events.
Despite my injury, I have picked up wins in several Aquabike events in the UK, and picked up countless top 5 results in most events I have taken part in.
Despite my injury, the inability to run has led me to the water, and as such I have improved my swimming tremendously, swimming long distance swims up to 13km faster than I ever imagined.
Despite my injury, my cycling has been going well and although it will never be like my StradaSport years, I have been able to get pretty close to lifetime PB’s, knocking out a 21:42 for a 10TT, a 56:00 twice in 25TT’s and a 1:56 in a 50TT.
Despite my injury have completed 100mile bike rides such as Ride London and Gran Fondo World Series in the front groups.
Despite my injury, I have visited my 2nd home – Majorca several times and can still put in the big rides that I so enjoyed pre-crash.
Despite my injury, I have faced those who called themselves “friends” who simply disappeared when I was rehabilitating and I’ve realised they weren’t really my friends anyway.
Despite my injury, I have faced employment issues head-on and not shied away from knowing my worth.
Despite my injury, I have looked others straight in the face, when they questioned my injury itself, and simply walked away, knowing their comments defined them more than it defined me.
Despite my injury, I have not let this get on top of me, in fact, I have got on top go it.
Despite my injury, I’m still getting on with the cards I’ve been dealt 🙂
There you go, I’ve said it!
That has taken over a year for me to say it. And if it wasn’t for that person who I sat with and chatted about literally anything over the past 2 and half years, I wouldn’t be in the mental state I am now.
Moving on, I am now coaching as full-time as I can, swim, bike, run, strength & conditioning, nutrition, mental training…all of the above with my #hashtagcoaching brand and I’m helping (already) 15 like-minded athletes to their 2024 goals and I’ll be looking for more in the near future.
I used to say “those who can’t…teach” and some part of that is true, but I can still swim & ride a bike so you haven’t seen the back of me yet.
Recent trips to North Norfolk and yes…Majorca, have made things a lot clearer in what is important and what isn’t recently. I saw a sign that said it all – “Coffee & Friends and The Perfect Blend”.
Swimming is back on track after dipping my toe in the water (pun intended) about 4 weeks ago in a swimming pool in Majorca and I’m just about getting the feel of the water again. The pace is nowhere near what I’m used to but it is a “work in progress” and I’m sure it’ll be back soon, if not better. The shoulder surgery back in December is holding me back a bit but I think it’ll just take time.
The cycling is coming on nicely, although ask me about 6 weeks ago and I’d argue that! I’ve got some big rides coming up – Tour Of Flanders (245km), Sa Calobra Training Camp in April, soon followed by Majorca 312 and a 200 miler round Norfolk and then a few relay events in May-July and then the European Aquabike Middle Distance Champs in Portugal in late June. I might eve do some TT’s too just to prove the doubters wrong!
It’s alway tricky thanking particular people as you’re alway guaranteed to miss someone and upset them so I’m going to generalise a bit…
Thank you to all those who made contact with me in the few days after my crash wishing me well. Whether it was by Social Media, Text Message or through Suzy I thank each & every one of you and I still, to this day, look back at these messages with fond memories.
Thank you to all those within Beccles Triathlon Club, who have helped by just being there in the past few years. It’s not about the conversations we had, it’s simply about the fact you were there and gave me a reason to just get on with things and try and make that comeback. And an extended thank you to those who came to visit whilst I was incapacitated.
Thank you to the rehab team involved in all stages of my care – from the A&E doctors and nurses, the Ward 6 staff at James Paget Hospital, the physios trying to get me to walk again, the case management team (frustrating at times) but had my rehabilitation as their focus. My physio in Norwich at the Ski Centre, moving to Beckie at Bannatynes Health Club. My chiropractor who put Humpty Dumpty back together again after really hard physical therapy sessions. My solicitor who moved heaven & earth to get me where I need to be. And of course no means least my counsellor – who took on “Project Nick” without hesitation.
Separately, my wife – Suzy.
Yesterday she received an award for “Outstanding Contribution Award” from British Triathlon and this just about sums her up for her never-ending positive attitude when (at times) mine had completely disappeared! She’ll never ever blow her own trumpet so-to-speak and she barely takes any compliments from me (she’d argue I’m biased!) so it’s about time an organisation as big as British Triathlon did 🙂
