The title of this blog is something my psychotherapist has said and I have hung onto this phrase for quite some time. Just over a year ago the majority of my plans came to a screeching halt when involved in this crash that has annoyingly been a major part of my life and I fear, will continue to be for a few years to come. These plans included so many “bucket list” races that I wanted to compete in, experience what other Triathletes had said were their best days. There is the elephant in the room right now saying that running is completely out of the question because I can barely stand without a crutch to support me. This means that there are some races that need to become a Relay or an Aquabike (just swim & bike) option if I have any intention to complete them this year. Challenge Roth – a full distance 3800m swim, 112 mile bike & marathon is non-negotiable & offers no options except a full-solo entry and this has already been deferred to 2023 but the others need ticking off as best I can. Just over a month ago whilst writing my last blog I was in final preparations for a semi-attempt at having a go at some of these events that I felt I was primed for 12 months ago.
First up was The Outlaw Nottingham Half Distance Event, a 1900m swim in a Regatta Lake specifically designed for rowing events, then a 90km ride around the local area before coming in to change over to Suzy and leaving her to do the Half-Marathon round the lake and its grounds. This, I believe, was on of “Outlaw’s” (the company) flagship events and there seemed to be a good atmosphere the day before the race. I checked my bike into transition in the afternoon and we met up with some old friends – Neil & Jo who used to be Beccles Tri Club members before relocating to York a few years back. The weather was good, almost too good to be true, suffice to say I had a bright-red glow about me that afternoon from the Great British sun.
On the day, and lucky for Suzy & I was that we were at a hotel almost a stone’s throw away from the water centre. This meant an extended lay-in until 4:30am when we moved across to the waters-edge. After putting my bike nutrition, bike computer, helmet and race number next to the racked bike we moved down to the start area to get ready for gun to go off. In true tradition my “self-sabotage” and “imposter syndrome” started kicking in… Prior to the event you had to submit your expected swim time for the 1900m, I lied a bit, in fact at the time I was swimming 2:00min per 100m so my time should’ve been 38 minutes, instead I put in 35 minutes hoping for a little draft-assistance with the faster swimmers. So, there I was with the 35’ers thinking I was way out of my depth! The event started at 6am, with swim starters allowing a swimmer in every 6 seconds off the three pontoons usually used for starting rowing boats, by the time it was my time to go in it was 6:14 and there were around 300 competitors in front of me and over a thousand behind. Nonetheless, after my very relaxed entry (I did think about diving but I wasn’t convinced my knee/leg would hold up) I was already 20 seconds behind my expected pace. I got into a rhythm quite quickly and despite one swimmer feeling the need to smack my head a few times with his wayward stroke I was fairly lonely around the 1900m course.
I came out of the water just under 35mins….yep, my imposter syndrome completely disproved once again, my crutch was handed to me by a swim marshal as soon as he spotted my white “special assistance” swim hat (my wave was supposed to be pink caps). Into T1 I went and by the time I hobbled to the bike, put my shoes & socks, on my number, helmet and then hobbled the 600m through transition to the bike mount line 8 minutes had passed (compared to the 3-4mins by other competitors on the day). “Thank God for that” I said to myself and then got on with what I was comparatively good at…the bike leg.
Even in the first 100m around the lake before we even got out onto the open roads I overtook my first victim, Suzy’s got fairly distant video footage of my taking more victims before we even got out of the water centre. This was the theme of the ride – not one person overtook me over the whole 90k. So much so I had biked my way through the field and pretty much into the first 30 competitors of the whole event before handing over to Suzy for the run.
I spent the next two hours watching, cheering & encouraging her what must’ve been a very demoralising run being passed by those 250+ competitors I had overtaken on the bike leg. She did this all with a smile on her face and I joined her as she finished to cross the line together after 5hrs 19minutes. “Team Esser” had finished!
A week later Suzy & I were both competing in different Relay Teams at The Challenge Family Championships in Samorin, Slovakia near Bratislava. These Championships are where the winners from Challenge events all round the world from the previous year are invited to compete against each other – almost an unofficial world championships. My team, consisting of Danny (Swim), Me (Bike) and Katie (Run) for a Mixed Relay entry and Suzy’s Team was an all-female team where she was the swimmer and Michelle was doing both the bike & run element. Our team had qualified from competing in the Championships pre-covid in 2019 and getting 4th place (an automatic invite) and Suzy & Michelle qualifying from Challenge Majorca last October by winning their relay event.
I was feeling both quite confident after my ride the previous week in Nottingham but also quite pressured to perform again on the world stage. The winds had picked up and the course was flat and quite exposed. I went out with Michelle the day before for a quick look at the first part of the course and the wind was throwing us around the road pretty badly so this was an aspect I hadn’t even contemplated.
The Relay element of the Championships was the last wave to go off so our Off-Time of 10:30am meant a much more relaxed start to the day. Both myself & Michelle made sure we were in the Relay Exchange Tent just before 11am, expecting Danny & Suzy who were swimming in the River Danube a few hundred metres away to be coming into transition. In the relay event Danny was the first out of the two of our teams to come in, some 6-7 minutes behind the leaders and (I think) we were in 7th place. I hobbled into transition, grabbed my bike and before I knew it was was out on the course picking off riders just as the week before. The ride was wind-assisted all the way to the turn at about 48km and I did this around the hour – that’s 30mph! I knew right then that I was in for a battle against that wind coming home. Trying not to overcook it I just spun the legs keeping in a comfortable gear and still picked the riders off one-by-one. Just as the previous week the theme was to pick off riders one-by-one with no-one overtaking me throughout the whole ride. I came home in 2:21 despite the course being 3km too long (93k) and after racking the bike I handed over to Katie to do her run. I waited for Michelle to come in from the bike and encouraged her a she continued to the run-leg.
It wasn’t long before Katie was on her last of the three 7km laps and we all ran down the finishing chute together (well they ran, I just hobbled with my crutch!) taking 3rd place in the Mixed Relay Challenge World Champs! Suzy & Michelle did one better and took 2nd place in the Female Relay Event. What a weekend, what a good couple of weeks!
That evening we went to the official prize presentation, Suzy was convinced that prizes were only to be given to the overall relay positions, I think we were 12th overall and Suzy & Michelle were 15th so I secretly hoped they would acknowledge each of the All-Male, All-Female & Mixed Relay teams….and they did! We all had a chance of going up on the podium and celebrating out achievements and I was acutely aware I was going up there with a crutch! This did get a few looks as people couldn’t believe I was up there – how could I not walk but ride a bike – race a bike even. I received a few individual comments of praise – one of which from the CEO of Challenge – a guy I originally met in Challenge Majorca when we first qualified back in 2018. He’s a really nice guy and I do hope our paths cross again when I’m recovered.
Of course this does mean both of our teams have automatically qualified for The Championships in 2023! Doh!
Two weeks on and it was my first attempt of going solo at the Grafman Middle Distance Aquabike based at Grafham Water near Peterborough. My rehabilitation and training were all leading to this event to show I can do an event on my own. “You’ve nothing to prove to anybody” is what my psychotherapist would tell me but deep-down I had something to prove to myself. To show I can at least put a number on my back and take part and be at least semi-competitive even though I have half a right leg. In the week leading up to the event it was perfect weather, sunny but cool enough to not overheat, on the day however, it was torrential rain, possible thunder storms and high winds. So much so, the organisers reduced the event to a single 47km bike lap because of standing water and slippery conditions. Just before the event start they also announced that swimmers needn’t do the 2nd 950m lap on the swim….or the run!
The event was supposed to be 2 laps swim, 2 laps bike and 2 laps run (as a triathlon) and I would be finishing after the bike leg as the Aquabike event. This now meant that competitors could opt for for just 1 lap swim, bike, then run, Do the 2 laps swim, bike & run, or stop after 1 lap running. Adding to this the biblical weather – rain & high winds meant that some competitors quit after the swim, some tried to bike but came back after 20mins and quit, there were crashes on the bike course, slippery corners and standing water being the issue, some competitors quit after the bike because of hypothermia and only a few went onto run the course – some even gave up on the run because of the conditions. But, each & every competitor has been entered onto the chip timing system as they passed through transition to collect there belongings prematurely after “DNF”ing and going home and now the results online are a complete disaster area.
I opted for the original Middle Distance 2-lap swim and the bike leg, I hadn’t prepared for this event to do half of it! I was aware of the organisers stating winners were judged by gun-time and not chip-time – in short “first across the line” so made sure I was one of the first to go into the water once the gun went. I tried to get into my stroke but was panicking slightly not to lose the race during the swim and this made my swim stroke quite bad and at times I was taking on a lot more water than I wanted. My sighting was also a bit crap (even by my own poor standards) and I must’ve lost a few minutes there. I came out of my first lap onto the “Australian swim exit” and back into the water for the 2nd lap within 18 minutes, Suzy shouted I was down by 2mins from the Aquabike leader so I tried to make my way through a few swimmers in the next 18mins and came out just under 36mins only to be 1-minute behind the Aquabike leader (we were wearing white swim caps whereas triathletes were wearing yellow swim caps). Once through T1 I had already passed another Aquabike competitor and I was onto the bike…
Being a smaller event than Nottingham or The Championships there were less people to pick off on the bike but I got stuck in and made my way through the field. In reality I think I made my way into the top-10 of the whole race so passing people was less of an occurrence towards the end of the 47km single bike lap. In fairness I wouldn’t have enjoyed a 2nd lap of that as it was verging on impossible to passing places and hypothermia was definitely a possibility. You know it’s cold when you intentionally go through big puddles to keep your feet warm! I couldn’t get my HR up and to put in a typical race effort was virtually impossible because of the cold so I did the best I could to just get home as quick and as safe as possible.
Coming into transition and the finish for me Suzy shouted “you’re in first place” I said “what?”, she repeated that I was winning and all I had to do was get inside T2 where my race was finished. I didn’t need to race to rack my bike and get across the finish line in a hurry because my time would be taken from the T2 entry line. Job done!
I walked to by rack, racked my bike, took my helmet off and walked with my crutch to the finish line where the announcer called my name and I was awarded with the win! Suffice to say I had a smile on my face! My time was 2hrs 2mins and the second finisher came in at 2hrs 19mins – that’s a 17min difference – this is where I had a 2nd smile of the day! To win by a few seconds is amazing – but I just couldn’t comprehend a winning margin by 17minutes. Whilst out on the course I had serious reservations about my performance both in the swim and on the bike because of the horrendous weather but I still managed to pull something out of the bag.
Conscious of the fact my leg would make me pay for this effort we collected the bike and my kit out of the transition area as soon as we could, claimed my first-place medal, let them take a photo of me and we headed home both sitting in the car for 2+hours completely soaked through and cold. Sure enough, compression knee support, paracetamol and some morphine was needed later on that evening 🙁
Next on the horizon is Outlaw Holkham Half where I was supposed to be going solo but now it’s a Relay Team of Me (Swim), Michelle (Bike) and Cheryl – Suzy’s mum (Run) as she’s training for the London Marathon in October later this year so I thought I’d be nice and let her run my half marathon! lol
Beyond that I might do a few Cycling Time Trials to fine-tune my bike riding and maybe a one or two Aquabike events before having an opportunity to compete in the World Championships (yes the official one) for Great Britain in the Aquabike event in August back in Slovakia!
And in the middle of all this I’m still waiting for that 2nd operation for corrective surgery and the downtime that will come with the rehabilitation of that. One day I might run again, I might not, BUT whilst I’m waiting for “life” to happen to me I’m trying to make the best of it in my current state 🙂
